By Rob Rienow
It’s Never Too Late to Encourage Your Adult Child’s Faith
After college, Mike and Jean’s daughter, Melissa, moved hundreds of miles away. She not only left physically, but she also “left home” spiritually. She had been raised in a Christian home and had attended church, but because of a series of hurts, poor choices, and spiritual battles, she no longer considered herself a believer. Like many other parents in this situation, Mike and Jean were heartbroken and discouraged.
They sent Melissa a letter. It was simple. They wanted her to know, in writing, how much they loved God and how much they loved her. There was no response — not even a polite acknowledgment that the letter had arrived. However, two years later, the Lord worked in Melissa’s heart, drawing her back to Christ and into a warm relationship with her parents.
When she eventually shared her journey with the family, she told them that God had used that letter to begin the process of turning her heart back to Jesus.
4 Biblical Principles for Encouraging Your Adult Children
If you have an adult son or daughter far from God, or in a strained relationship with you, it is not too late for the Lord to use you to spiritually encourage them. Parenting is a life-long mission and many of the Scriptures on parenting are life-long principles. Here are four biblical principles which will give you hope and a practical plan for connecting with and helping your adult kids follow the Lord.
Principle #1: Offer Your Heart to the Lord
Can we hope to lead a child in a direction we aren’t going ourselves? Consider Deuteronomy 6:5–7: “Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children.”
Parents tend to jump straight to that last command — the call to help their children follow God. But notice the order. God starts with you. Before He addresses your parenting, He calls you to personally love Him with everything you have. That sequence is not accidental.
One way we can offer our heart to the Lord is through personal repentance. We have all failed in different ways as parents. We all said things we should not have said and left unsaid things we should have. We modeled inconsistency. We got distracted. The good news is that the cross covers all of it — but we have to take it there. Bringing our parenting failures to the Lord in repentance is not about wallowing in past mistakes. It is about receiving the forgiveness and freedom that Christ purchased for us. Our adult children make their own choices. We are not responsible for their decisions. But it would also be dishonest to pretend that how we have lived has not affected them.
Another action principle here is focused prayer. It is easy to spend all our prayer energy on the surface-level concerns — our son’s struggling marriage, our daughter’s stress at work. Those things matter and are worth praying about. But when our child is far from God, that is the urgent need. Pray that the Holy Spirit would pursue their heart and draw them into a living relationship with Jesus.
Principle #2: Turn Your Heart to Your Child
The second principle comes from Malachi 4:5–6: “I will send you Elijah the prophet before the great and awesome day of the LORD comes. And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of their children to their fathers…”
God speaks of a day when He is going to work in the hearts of parents and children, turning them toward one another. What does it mean to have your heart “turned” to your child? It means God has given you a passion to see your son or daughter living for Him. Your greatest desire is to spend eternity with them in Heaven.
There is a critical obstacle related to this principle that we need to pay attention to. It is possible to develop a bitter spirit toward our own children. It may be that your son or daughter has said or done things that have deeply wounded you. I have talked with parents who carry real scars from those confrontations. Begin by bringing those wounds to the Lord in prayer. Choose to forgive — not because what they did was acceptable, but because, as Paul reminds us in Colossians 3:13, the Lord has forgiven you. Then ask God to remove the anger and replace it with Christ’s compassion for your child.
Principle #3: Draw Your Child’s Heart to Yours
The shortest distance between your adult child’s heart and Christ is your relationship with them. God created family and ordained parents as the primary spiritual influence in the lives of their children. Your influence may look different now that your son or daughter is grown, but it has not ended.
In Proverbs 23:26, Solomon writes to his son: “My son, give me your heart.” He was not asking for compliance or performance. He was asking for a heart-connected relationship.
Steve was 22 years old. His heart was hard toward God and toward his parents. In a meeting with me, he mentioned that his father had recently invited him to breakfast “to have a conversation.” Steve looked at me with a tired half-smile and said, “When my dad says he wants to have a conversation with me, it means him lecturing me for an hour about all the problems in my life.” So Steve made plans to go — out of respect — but his heart was already shut before he walked in the door.
Sometimes we need to do a lot less talking, and a lot more listening.
Do you want more godly influence in the life of your adult child? Then prioritize building a respectful, adult to adult relationship. If we treat our adult kids like children or fail to make every effort to listen to and understand their perspectives, they will set up boundaries with us and reject our efforts to care for them.
Principle #4: Point Your Child’s Heart to Christ
As God restores and deepens your relationship, look for opportunities to have honest, spiritual conversations… and never be ashamed of the Gospel. Romans 1:16, “I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes.” As we faithfully share the Gospel with our family, it is the Holy Spirit who does the work.
Ask the Lord to fill your heart with compassion for your son or daughter. Matthew 9:36 tells us that when Jesus saw the crowds, “he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.”
Pray for the Lord to give you courage. The Enemy would love for you to talk with your adult children about jobs, grandchildren, weekend plans, and sports — anything but the one thing that matters most — indefinitely. Pray before you pick up the phone. Pray before they walk through the door.
What If My Adult Child Has Walked Away From God?
It Is Never Too Late
These four principles are not quick fixes or some kind of automatic formula. They are simply things God calls parents to do toward our mission of helping our kids to love and follow Him.
God will not abandon you as you prayerfully seek to share His love and His Word with your children. He has entrusted your son or daughter into your care, and that calling does not come with an expiration date. He is the Father in Luke 15 who sees his son coming home “while he was still a long way off” — and runs to meet him.
That same God is at work in your prodigal child right now, even when you cannot see it. This is the middle of the story, not the end. Keep praying. Keep pursuing. Keep pointing them to Jesus.
